This month has been incredibly long. Picture the first time we see a super star destroyer in Star Wars and the ship just glides over the camera to that John Williams score and it keeps going, and going, and going. Well, this month has felt longer than that. See, it all started after Mother’s Day when I received an email from a placement coordinator telling us that she has been unable to make contact with me over the phone about a potential child-in-care. Turns out the scam blocker on my phone had been making it impossible for this specific coordinator to get through, so she decided to follow up via email. Frankly, I’m so glad that she did because I called her right back and learned about a 10-year-old boy (who I’ll reference as Bear) who is looking for a forever home. It took another eight days before I was contacted by Bear’s caseworker and then another week before we received approval from the placement committee to potentially be Bear’s foster parents. It has now been 29 days since we first learned of Bear and we are waiting on approval from the adoption committee to finally move Bear into our home, but tomorrow will be the first time we get to meet him in person, and we can’t wait. Of course, the details of Bear’s life are his to share and I wish to be extremely sensitive to his trauma, but I can say that Bear’s case is different from anything we expected. First and foremost, we were unsure if we would be the right fit for a child who is already 10 years old. However, we quickly got over that shock and decided if not us, then who? We haven’t met Bear and already we feel like he will be a wonderful addition to our family. The other thing about Bear’s case that surprised us is that reunification is off the table. This means that if the adoption committee approves us, then we will be going straight to foster-to-adopt (in a six-month window) rather than foster-to-reunify. This means that our decision to be Bear’s guardians is even more vital because it will be forever, not just temporary. But that’s all I can say about Bear’s case for now, though there will obviously be more about Bear in the months to come, if all goes well. Aside from our excitement and impatience with the placement process, this month has also been one long series of mental breakdowns, starting with health issues, continuing with returning to work in an office after 444 days of quarantine, and finally with my own emotional issues regarding Pride Month and the LGBTQ community. Since this blog is all about foster care, there will certainly be plenty of my parenting journey in the months ahead. But because this blog is also about Star Wars, I can’t help but entertain the idea to write a prequel, or origin story, out of order. Sure, I could have done that at chapter one, but six months into our journey just before we get the final word on becoming parents to a 10-year-old boy seems like a suitable place to me. God. Parents of a 10-year-old. Me? Ten years ago, I wasn’t even in high school. I was 13 on the day that Bear was born. I was homeschooled, just discovering my sexuality, and probably just as overweight and emotional as I am today. All that time I spent growing up into adulthood, the last 10 years, Bear was being moved around from home to home probably feeling just as unsure about life as me. Now, for some reason, the universe has put us together on the same path. Five years ago, I don’t think I even knew I wanted to be a foster parent. I met my husband five years ago and married him a year later. I know in 2017 adoption was on my mind because my spouse and I attended an information session with Utah Foster Care. Back then, we figured this was something we’d decide to look into when we turned 30. I was only 20 at the time, definitely too young to be a parent. Now I’m 24, and still probably too young to be a parent. But over those three years (2017 to 2020) the idea of being a parent stuck with me. But I kept telling myself, “you can’t be a parent if you haven’t figured yourself out yet.” I also worried that my need for parenthood was just a way to fulfill my craving for unconditional love, which is more of bio-parent thing, if you ask me. With foster care, we already expect the children to despise us. Anyone who decides to foster in hopes that it will satisfy their need for love is fooling themselves. Then when the COVID-19 pandemic happened, I realized that putting off the call to help children in need, wasn’t because I wasn’t ready to be a parent, nobody is ready. It was because I didn’t think I was worthy of being a parent, and I still hadn’t come to terms with loving myself the way that I had hoped I had. Being in lockdown gave me a lot of time by myself to think about this and work out my problems. Halfway through the summer of 2020 I decided that I had extra love to give, and my spouse and I could carve out a place to give a child a more stable life and a peek at what a loving family looks like. So, we started the process. But why us? Why two queer men? Well, that’s something I’ve been asking myself a lot lately, especially this month as June marks Pride Month once again. As I’ve said before, I was raised by wonderful, loving parents. I’ve also said that I was raised by flawed, parents who passed down generational trauma. I could try to make this part of my story interesting, maybe insert a couple Star Wars references for continuity, but honestly looking back, I just feel broken. Yet, being in such a good place as I am right now, I also know I’m more whole than ever. That’s the power of a loving home, and if we can give that to Bear, I hope he will give us that chance. Of course, I never saw myself as a dad. I still think I’m coming to terms with the idea of it. When I was 17, my girlfriend at the time falsely proclaimed that she was pregnant with my baby. Despite that eventually being revealed to be a lie, I stopped pursuing women shortly after that. As I’m writing this, I still think of myself as bisexual, so I could have a child the old-fashioned way if I wanted, but I’m married to a man so that option has been taken off the table. It speaks volumes about my relationship though, doesn’t it? I went from not wanting to be a dad, to pursuing the idea, and eventually adopting just because the man who walked into my life made the insane seem obtainable. I’m sure this isn’t the last time I’ll talk about LGBTQ issues or my upbringing on this blog, but the closer we get to parenthood becoming a reality, the more it feels like this new normal isn’t something I need to be scared of. However, ask me again in three years when I’m 27 navigating a teenager and my own health insurance. May the force be with me. -Erick L. Graham Wood [email protected]
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Erick L. Graham WoodHello there! Archives
June 2023
Categories |