Will I be bitter in Heaven? It’s a question that I’ve wondered about for years and I’m sure I have a long time before I get to find out the answer. Sometimes I bring up my theory of heaven to others and I usually get split reactions. My belief is that one of two things is going to happen; either upon entering heaven I will be relieved to find out that those religious extremists who have spent their lives angry about other’s choices have been silenced and realize that they were wrong or when I get to heaven I will realize that everything I’ve learned is the truth and I won’t be happy to face those who get to say, “I told you so.”
First off, if you lean towards the second idea presented of what heaven will be like, I applaud you for reading this prelude to my blog because you will probably not like anything I write beyond this first paragraph. You see, I’m judgmental. I own it. Despite spending years advocating for equality and love and peace, it’s 2017 and I can still see anger in myself that I strive every day to get rid of. That anger is usually towards religious affiliates who have strict beliefs and share them as freely as I share my own. I understand it’s ironic and that I really should rise above the petty anger I have for these people, but hear me out. All my life I have been told who to be, how to act, what will happen to me if I disobey what’s expected, and above all, not to question anything. I was raised a Christian and I was taught that heaven would be a place we could go if we live like Jesus. I was taught not to do the wrong things and if I do to ask for forgiveness. However, upon coming out of the closet I left religion indefinitely and suddenly all those community members who used to be proud of my achievements and say that I would be a great “missionary of the lord” were suddenly spewing anger and hate towards me. I lost everyone who couldn’t see beyond their religion and I felt alone. That is where my bitterness came from. When I say that I might be bitter in heaven, it’s because in my mind one possibility of what the afterlife could be is all that I learned in church. I fear that one day I may wake up in the next life and be surrounded by my grandparents, my parents, my church-leaders who are all asking me to give myself to god and repent. However, I also believe that I will still be the same person that I am on earth and I know that no matter how real heaven becomes, I’m not willing to change who I am to get into the exclusive club. I’m sure at that point I will be bitter because I will know that God doesn’t care about his children and that I am casted out due to my own “sins.” However, I don’t think that is what Heaven will be like and I truly don’t think I will be bitter. I believe that when I wake up and realize that Heaven is another dimension on Earth and that I am the same person I was yesterday and that I haven’t gone anywhere but I do have a better knowledge of my existence, I will be at peace. I believe that I will then get to meet a God who loves me and accepts me and that I will review how I treated others. I believe that those who outcast family members based on sexual preference, or anything really, will have to face god and repent. I believe that heaven will not be full of those who attend church and bully others, but rather, those who spread kindness and love every day of their life. In this instance, I don’t believe that I will be bitter, but I hope that I have the power to forgive those who shamed me for my decisions. I won’t be bitter in heaven. Will you?
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Erick L. Graham Wood
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